


His Dear, Beloved Burden

by DeiXIV



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Alcohol, Falling In Love, Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood, Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood Spoilers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Party, Post-Final Fantasy XIV: Stormblood, References to Depression, Spoilers, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 01:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18561130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeiXIV/pseuds/DeiXIV
Summary: A year has passed since Ala Mhigo won her freedom from the Garlean Empire. Despite all the conflict still happening just outside the borders of Rhalgr's Reach, the people have still taken to celebrating to remind each other of just how far they've come.Little do they know, one among them isn't terribly thrilled with the loud, and in his opinion, undeserved festivities... until a certain hero decides to grace them with his presence. A hero who, unknown to all, is losing a battle with his own inner demons.





	1. From the Eyes of the Hunter

**Author's Note:**

> So I was kind of iffy about posting this one since it's VERY heavy on headcanons, self-indulgence, and my own character and I don't feel like a lot of people will be interested but. Meh. Here it is anyway.
> 
> A few additional notes:  
> 1) I know xiv's technically in a time bubble, but for my own sanity I'll pass time between expansions.  
> 2) THERE'S BIG SPOILERINOS IN THIS STORY!! If you didn't get to the end of Stormblood, don't read it.  
> 3) This scenario may end up not being canon depending on what Shadowbringers ends up revealing. I just have this personal hc that EleZenos hung out at Rhalgr's in-between getting into trouble since he blends in with the rebels.  
> 4) The two chapters are the same story from different points of view.

Would the dreaded noise ever cease? It must have been clear after midnight by this point, why must the savages insist on such unwarranted celebration? They may have reached a milestone since winning back their freedom, but he knew the Empire wasn’t ready to give up. Even now, they continued their attacks on Ala Mhigo and the Eorzean Alliance whole. Of course, he could care less about all that. There was only one thing weighing on his mind… 

 

“Oi, Malin! Y’might wanna join the festivities now!”

“Told ya ‘m not interested ‘n all that…”

“What if I told you ya favorite Warrior of Light’s makin’ an appearance~?”

“Wait, what? Y’mean the Elezen?”

“Aye, he’s performin’ at the plaza now.”

“Well why didn’t ya say sooner!?”

 

Zenos found himself quickly sitting up from his cot, watching as a nearby Hyuran woman bolted from her own to join her friend. Speaking of the one thing on his mind, it would seem he’d have a shot at his prey yet. A small crowd followed the duo outside, and he took the opportunity to blend in and join them. 

 

Despite longing for his freedom from this mortal coil, Garlemald’s crown prince yet lived on with a new body and new purpose. Of course, his primary objective was to retrieve all that was lost to him after that fateful battle, but that didn’t stop him from partaking of his sole joy in life: the hunt. So far, there was only one man who managed to best him, and that man became his target prey… the same man he was hoping to see now. 

 

“ _ Let not the rays… of justice blind… _ ”

 

The Eikon Slayer has certainly proved to be his most elusive target. When Zenos wasn’t on the move, he stuck to camping out at Rhalgr’s Reach; the one place in Gyr Abania the Elezen seemed to consistently visit. Tough it became routine, his trail would run cold at the end of every trip. He’d warp in from the giant crystal and either visit the shops, or go off to craft for the soldiers and veterans. Then once his business was done, he’d teleport away to who-knows-where with no trail to follow. 

 

“ _ E’er trust in grace and she shall guiiiide… _ ”

 

Mayhap tonight would be different. He wasn’t here on business, but rather for pleasure. The Ala Mhigans were celebrating freedom, and no doubt he and his friends came to join them considering they probably would not have this freedom if it wasn’t for them. From the barracks to the aetheryte plaza, he saw the drink flowing and minds being lost in celebration; surely he’d let his guard down tonight. As the small crowd neared the plaza, Zenos picked up the sound of a lovely melody amongst the chatter and celebration. He couldn’t help but gasp when they reached the source: the very same Elezen he sought.

 

“ _ Soft is the breeze that can set a petal free _

_ And yet ‘tis the storm that doth see the petal soar _

_ High are the trees in the groves of liberty _

_ Till unstirring stars consign her to memory… _ ”

 

That voice combined with the man’s natural beauty… it was intoxicating. In that moment, he completely forgot he sought the Eikon Slayer for completely different intentions. Come to think of it, Zenos had never heard his voice before, had he? It never crossed his mind that he might be able to sing.

 

“ _ One kingdom’s fall is another kingdom’s freedom _

_ One sovereign's war is another sovereign's peace… _ ”

 

The Elezen raised an arm at that first line, followed by cheers from the crowd. This made him smile as he looked around to the ever-growing audience.

 

“ _ One mother’s pride- is another mother’s sorrow _

_ Their tears both soak the land that they love… _ ”

 

Huh? Mayhap it was his imagination, but he could have sworn the Elezen’s gaze stopped at him for just a moment. There was a short but noticeable pause in his song as he looked upon Zenos with a curious expression before going back to the song. 

 

“Oi, oi! Y’ain’t got a drink, lad!” One of the Ala Mhigans chuckled as he pushed a sizable mug of spirits to the man’s chest. Zenos only grunted as he was forced to accept the generous offer. Though he didn’t plan to partake, he was so entranced by the moment that he absently sipped at the cup, eyes fixed upon his prey.

 

“ _....Tonight, for unsung sins atone _

 

_ This night you need not walk alone… _ ”

 

After the final notes played, a deafening applause roared through Rhalgr’s Reach; even Zenos found himself absently clapping. A Roegadyn standing by the performer helped him down from the stack of crates from which he stood, and a nearby Highlander offered him a drink in the same fashion as Zenos’s offer. The Elezen seemed delighted to accept and hung his head back as he downed the contents like some sort of drinking professional. Interesting. Zenos didn’t take the man for a drinker either. 

 

“Shall we get you another, then?”

“Aye!”

 

The eager answer was followed by thunderous laughter from those within earshot. As the hosts guided the man to where the drinks flowed, the crowd followed him like a herd of sheep. Laughable though it may have been, Zenos was one of the sheep among them; though now that the hypnotic performance came to an end, he remembered he was there for another purpose away from the crowd of fools.

 

After the destination was reached and the Elezen’s hands were full with another cup, he seemed to search around the crowd, occasionally nodding and answering those who were speaking with him. Again, their eyes chanced to meet, and it was unmistakable this time; the Elezen’s eyes lit up when he saw him. To be certain, Zenos glanced around his own surroundings, even checking behind him. There were no others nearby who matched his height, nor did anyone seem to respond to his expression. Why was this happening? The man wasn’t on to him, was he? As the Elezen chanced a step forward, more music started to sound from the other end of Rhalgr’s Reach, and before Zenos knew it, the poor man was swarmed with countless women and a handful of men demanding a dance with him. He seemed to accept their offers and was quickly dragged away to the source of the music. 

 

Once again, the large crowd followed behind their champion, surrounding the designated area of dance and other such merriment. It was difficult to make out all that was being said with the loud music and even louder party-goers, but he could barely hear the man admit he didn’t know of any traditional Ala Mhigan dances with several people offering to teach him. A couple individuals took turns teaching him the steps, and one prompted him to show off some of the dances he learned on his journey. The first he performed was a graceful dance of Far Eastern Origin that reminded Zenos of flowing water. It was just as hypnotic as his singing. Another dance was apparently of Thavnairian origin, and while not as extravagant as the Eastern dance, it was still a joy to watch him perform.

 

Zenos didn’t even pay attention to the fact that he was still sipping from his cup until he went to take a drink and it was empty. Come to think of it, the Eikon Slayer had quite a number of drinks himself between dances, hadn’t he? He also realized something else; the Elezen was accompanied by a few others at the confrontation in Ala Mhigo, and from the sound of the familiarity among them along with all four champions often being mentioned together, he assumed they were close companions. Why weren’t they with him tonight? He was left at the mercy of the Ala Mhigan savages all on his own. 

 

Another dance ended and the Elezen retreated within the crowd to catch his breath. This became increasingly sad to watch, really. Ever since Zenos found him tonight, the people have been parading him around like some sort of animal made for show. Being a member of royalty and amongst the highest ranks in the Imperial Army, Zenos could relate to being the center of attention for a period of time, but this… 

 

“Is it my turn yet, Warrior of Light~?”

“Ah! Pray forgive me… Think the drinks are goin’ through me now. I’ll return soon!”

 

Oh, was he finally getting away from them? Shite, even as he ran off he had to refuse several followers to beg for privacy. Is this what the man has to deal with every day? With his eyes fixed upon his prey like a magitek tracking device, he overheard murmurs from nearby men.

 

“Oi, think we ought to try now? He’s gone off alone.”

“I dunno. He don’t seem far enough gone yet.”

“Aye, but would we be able to catch him alone later?”

“Mayhap. The rumors say he’s incredibly easy when he’s drunk enough… could just persuade him to joining us.”

“Agreed. In the meantime, keep feedin’ him the drink.”

 

So it would seem not everyone in the crowd had pure intentions with their “hero”. Overhearing that conversation made Zenos’s blood boil. “Y _ ou can’t touch him, he’s  _ **_mine_ ** _! _ ” Was his immediate thought, even if he didn’t fully understand why. The Elezen never left Zenos’s sight, and when he was finally out of view, he gave chase. He tracked the man down to an alley near the outskirts of the camp where there was nary another person in sight. Could this finally be the chance he was waiting for? 

 

Peeking around the corner as discreetly as possible, he frowned when he noticed the man sitting on the ground, curled up hugging his thighs to his chest and hiding his face between his knees. What was this feeling all of a sudden? Sadness? Pity? Mayhap the drink was actually affecting him now that he was in a considerably smaller body. Though it was against his better judgement, Zenos softly cleared his throat to get his attention.

 

The Elezen’s head perked up quickly when he heard the sound. At first he seemed annoyed, but his expression softened when he noticed who was there. “Oh! It’s you. Terribly sorry you’re seein’ me like this…”

 

Zenos frowned, clearing his throat again in an attempt to disguise his voice some. “No need for apologies. Was… kind of… worried.” He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Aww… ‘ow very kind…” He smiled. Zenos felt his face start to warm. He can’t recall a time when someone ever spoke to him like that. The man sighed, relaxing against the wall. “...Truth is, all this attention is… quite overwhelmin’ for me. Was never a fan of ‘uge crowds t’ begin with… and all the eyes bein’ on me is far too much, but ‘tis the burden I must bear for bein’ a ‘ero I suppose.” He paused, reaching for a mug he brought with him and took a drink. “...Can’t say ‘m all that fond of these people either. Ala Mhigan’s ain’t exactly got the best ‘istory with Gridanians and dwellers of the Shroud like meself, and I’ve ‘ad bad run-ins with ‘ighlanders in the past. Ah, pray forgive me… you’re with the rebellion so ‘m sayin’ too much…”

 

“Nay.” Zenos shook his head, a bit surprised at this revelation. “Speak your mind.”

 

“...Thank you.” He replied with a tired smile. “‘Tis why I was glad to ‘ave found you. Didn’t think I’d see me own kind ‘ere tonight, Wildwood or no, ‘tis always a comfort for me when another Elezen’s about.... Even your voice is strangely comforting. Reminds me of an old friend. Been wantin’ to introduce meself all night but ‘adn’t ‘ad the chance til now.”

 

“Ah… I’m honored.” Zenos replied, blush intensifying. Well shite, now he wasn’t sure of what to do. He followed the man intending to capture him, but he seemed to be the one caught instead. Mayhap a retreat is in order… “W-well, you came here to be alone so I’ll honor your wishes. We can talk more at length later.”

 

The man hummed. “Oh? I don’t mind speaking with you. Actually kind of lonesome after cuttin’ me old friends loose… Ah, but I’m sure you don’t want t’ ‘ear all that. May’ap ‘tis for the best that I recharge some more. Thank you again.”

 

Zenos paused, preparing to head back to the crowd. So that’s why he was here alone, was it? Perhaps he could hear more of this another time. For now, he felt compelled to say one more thing before departing. “Um… do be careful tonight. Overheard some men talking about taking advantage of you whilst you’re inebriated.”

 

“Hm. Wouldn’t be the first time.” He sighed. “Worry not. Me standards are far ‘igher than the rabble ‘ere, but I appreciate the warnin’ regardless.” Zenos nodded to the Elezen and turned to leave. “...but if  _ you’d _ like some time with me later, you’re more than welcome to ask…~” 

 

The blushing reached maximum capacity and Zenos quickly trailed away. Well, well… this night was full of one too many unexpected turns. 

 

* * *

 

As the night dragged on and on, the noise of the evening finally started dying down with every passed out party-goer. Zenos continued to watch after his prey like a hawk, choosing to keep more of a distance ever since their previous exchange, just in case anyone had any funny ideas to take his target unawares. 

 

Thankfully, the night proceeded without incident. Zenos prayed and prayed he wouldn’t leave the area by teleportation as he often did. The last thing he needed was for him to lose precious sleep and time for his trail to run cold yet again. As fate would have it, his prayers would be answered. Once the Elezen was alone again, he headed for one of the camp’s gates with Zenos following a distance behind. Finally… finally his time would come!

 

The Eikon Slayer walked for what seemed like many, many malms. The dark sky was getting ready to make way for the sun as the stars in the sky faded more and more with each passing step, until they finally reached a dead end at a cliff. Zenos took to hiding behind a boulder, carefully slipping through the shadows from shrub, to broken-down machine, to another boulder until he was close enough to see. Just what was he up to anyway? The man had the means to fly, did he not? This shouldn’t be an obstacle for him.

 

It felt like an eternity while the Elezen stared longingly at the stars as the sun peeked over the horizon, threatening to snuff them all out with the dawn of a new day. True, Zenos could have confronted him at any time, but now he was far too curious to see how this would end. Eorzea’s Champion slowly closed his eyes, breathing deep and lowering his head towards the abyss below. He couldn’t have been planning what Zenos thought, could he?

 

Zenos’s breath caught in his throat when the man slowly took a step forward. The madman really was about to do it! Without another moment of thought, he shouted the first thing that came to mind. “Endure!” That seemed to work, the other froze in place, his head jerking in the direction of Zenos’s voice. “Survive…” Unsheathing his katana, he stuck the blade into the ground and took off towards the shadows. “Live!!” His voice echoed through the empty space. The cover of night and all surrounding obstacles seemed to successfully cover his escape. 

 

In the distance, he heard a pathetic cry for him to come back, but he couldn’t do it. What kind of hunter would he be if he exposed himself so easily? What’s more, what kind of hunt would this be if his prey didn’t even know he was in danger?

 

* * *

 

When he finally returned to Rhalgr’s, he collapsed onto his cot, completely void of all energy between running for malms and losing a night’s sleep. That dreadful sight of the hopeless hero and the exchanges from the day kept playing over and over in his mind. To think that man also desired to leave this life as he did… they had more in common than he first thought. It was simultaneously horrifying and comforting to think about.

 

He looked up from his pillow, eyeing a few spare katanas that lined a nearby wall. Zenos knew that man wasn’t stupid. He’d probably think he imagined that voice, but only one person in Gyr Abania could have possibly left an Eastern blade behind, and that person was waiting to see him on the field of battle again.

  
“For the sole pleasure left to me in this empty, ephemeral world…  _ live _ .... Please…”


	2. From the Eyes of the Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year has passed since Ala Mhigo won her freedom from the Garlean Empire. Despite all the conflict still happening just outside the borders of Rhalgr's Reach, the people have still taken to celebrating to remind each other of just how far they've come.
> 
> Natural Harmonia, a Warrior of Light, just happened to make a passing visit during the festivities and found himself celebrating alongside the men and women of the rebellion. Though he hoped to have one last moment to forget about the task he ultimately intended to do that night and have a bit of fun, the crushing weight of his heroic title never ceased to eventually bring him down. Fortunately, a stranger in the sea of people managed to bring him some form of comfort.

“ _ Equilibrium must be restored… And only your death will redress the balance. _ ”

 

Natural stopped just at the end of Rhalgr’s Aetheryte Plaza. He fluffed the fur collar of his coat, doing his best to hide the marks left upon his pale skin by the Xaela men during his most recent visit to the Steppe. There was a slight limp in his step as parts of his body felt sore courtesy of said visit, but despite this, he was perfectly content. Now what did he come here to do again? Ah yes, spend the last of his tomestones so he could donate his purchases. 

 

Now that he was focused on his current surroundings, he realized something… off. Everyone was so loud and cheerful. What’s going on? As he stood dumbfounded, a nearby member of the rebellion spotted him and called him out. “Oooii! Warrior of Light!!” Suddenly, all eyes were upon him and a group of people rushed over to greet him. 

 

“O-oh! ‘Ello…!” He greeted them sheepishly. “Seems a bit lively ‘ere tonight, aye?” The Elezen chuckled nervously, praying for some answers. Next thing he knew, someone bumped a full mug of ale to his chest that he was left with no choice but to accept.

 

“A celebration, lad!” A nearby highlander bellowed. “A summer’s passed since we reclaimed our freedom, so we decided to celebrate!”

 

“Ah… I see.” Natural smiled politely. He stared at the drink for a moment, questioning deep down whether or not he should accept the offer considering what seems to happen any other time a stranger offers him a drink. Ah hells, it wasn’t as if he had anything to lose tonight. In a few gulps, he downed half the contents. Should these people really be celebrating right now? It wasn’t as if the empire had given up on them, after all. They were still under threat of attack- recent events already proved that much; unless this was also meant to serve as some sort of morale boost.

 

“Well full glad am I that you’re here!” A Roegadyn exclaimed as he threw an arm over Natural’s shoulder, startling the Elezen in the process. “You an’ the other Warriors are the reason we got our freedom in the first place! You lot are more than welcome to celebrate with us!”

 

Natural offered an awkward chuckle, quickly gulping down the last of his drink to shake off the discomfort he was feeling. “Thanks for your ‘ospitality…” Before he knew it, the empty mug was swiped from his hand and replaced with another full one. Well there was certainly no harm in getting drunk out of his mind tonight. “...and drink.” He smiled before taking another gulp. 

 

“Aaay Warrior of Light! May I make a bold request!” A lady near the back of the crowd hopped up and down to be seen among her taller companions. “Rumor has it you’ve got a lovely singing voice! Could we hear it?” The crowd murmured in agreement. 

 

Natural hummed, a bit taken aback by the request. Normally, he wasn’t one to perform for crowds, but he found himself having a difficult time refusing. “Very well.” He agreed, taking a moment to down the last of his current drink. Hopefully, that would kick in during the performance and ease some of his anxiety. Setting the empty mug aside, he dug around his bag for a harp. 

 

Once he was helped up to the top of a stack of crates, he took a moment to ensure the harp was tuned. “Alright… I don’t do this often, so only one song, alright?” The people in the group nodded, with a few among them clapping. “‘Opefully you all like this one. It’s called  _ Revolutions _ .” As he strummed the harp, any murmuring in the group died down as everyone listened intently. 

 

“ _ Sing, a song of dawn _

_ Dawn, the day reborn _

_ Breathe deep of the dawn before the storm… _ ”

 

Natural’s heart pounded hard with each passing word. Just as he feared, the music was beginning to draw attention from others in the surrounding area.

 

“ _ This hearth, this home _

_ Wrested forth from tired fingers _

_ Bathed in blood and sealed in stone… _ ”

 

More and more people swarmed to the area, and Natural feared his nerves would be shot. He decided to close his eyes and focus purely on the song.

 

“ _ Souls scarred, twelve-fold _

_ Beckoned by the bells of vengeance, spirits bold _

 

_ A lover lost, a family torn _

_ A solemn pyre, raised to rouse the slumbering heaven _

_ Fire in your eyes, fire in your hearts _

_ Steeled as you sound the horns of war… _ ”

 

Thankfully, the drinks seemed to start taking effect now. He slowly opened his eyes again and tried not to appear distraught when the crowd seemed to double in size with more people swarming in. As the song continued, he absently gazed around the herd of people, perhaps trying in vain to find some form of comfort in a familiar face; or… 

 

“ _ One mother’s pride- is another mother’s sorrow _

_ Their tears both soak the land that they love… _ ”

 

Was that… another Elezen? Within a small group that had only just joined in, he swore one among them was another Elezen. The man was tall, and it looked like pointed ears poked through his hood. He couldn’t help but smile, and felt he could finish the song much easier now. 

 

“ _ Two lives, two swords _

_Given in to shadowed whispers, wicked words_ _  
__Yet early gloom doth louder dawn_ _  
__A rival's pride, for the oaths that spur her onward_ _  
__Your time is come, a choice bestowed_ _  
___Tonight, for unsung sins atone

_ This night you need not walk alone… _ ”

 

Thunderous applause roared throughout the camp, and Natural breathed a sigh of relief that it was over. A nearby Roegadyn offered his hand to help the man down, and he was immediately met with another drink shoved at his chest. Though he was feeling tipsy now, the additional drink helped calm his nerves further. He hardly realized he downed the whole thing in one go. 

 

The man who gave him the drink let out a hearty laugh.  “Shall we get you another, then?”

“Aye!” Natural replied without hesitation. The crowd within earshot laughed at his eager reply. They all seemed to be in such good spirits. If the song helped them all be this happy, Natural felt flattered. 

 

He was led over to the shops where they seemed to set up barrels for drink. As another cup was settled into his hands, he was met with flurries of questions from a number of drunk participants. Natural did his best to answer what he could hear, but he didn’t look among the people. No, his gaze travelled around the large crowd, searching for the Elezen man in the audience. When he managed to spot the mystery man again, he gasped happily, smiling from ear to ear. He was kind of far away, but from what he could make out, he didn’t appear to be another Duskwight like him. Oh well.

 

Just as he took a step to approach the man, the sound of distant music reached his ears. The crowd shifted once more to the source of the sound, and Natural was immediately stopped by arms clamping around his own. 

 

“Pray, dance with me, Warrior of Light!”

“Nay, me first!”

“Come now, ‘tis my understanding he prefers male company~”

“No way! I wish to dance with him!”

 

“A-ah! Slow down!” Natural urged as he was suddenly being dragged away. “Actually, ‘tis embarrassing, but of all the dances I’ve learned on my travels, I can’t say I know any traditional Ala Mhigan dances…”

 

“No worries! I’ll teach you!”

“Aye, same ‘ere!”

“They’re really quite easy!”

 

And just like that, he was swept away again. For what felt like bells, he was passed around from person to person who wished for a moment to dance with him. He learned the dances of the people, and was even asked to show them some of the dances he learned from other cultures. Despite all the drink that was flowing in, Natural became overwhelmed when it seemed that the people flooding in for a moment alone with him wouldn’t cease. At one point, his breath caught in his throat and he felt as though he couldn’t breathe. As soon as that dance ended, he broke away from the crowd. “Is it my turn yet, Warrior of Light~?” 

Shite, he needed to think of something to get away, even for just a moment. “Ah! Pray forgive me… Think the drinks are goin’ through me now. I’ll return soon!” Natural shoved through the dense crowd of people. Even as he tried to escape, some followed him either asking for the next dance, offering more drinks despite his hands already being occupied with one, asking questions, or even for him to go off with them alone somewhere. 

 

Eventually, he reached the alleyways by the borders of the camp. Natural swung into the dark area, sliding down the wall onto the dusty ground. Burying his face between his knees, he took several deep breaths. All he could think about were all the eyes upon him; gods there were so many. Now that they were dancing, it was only a matter of time before those eyes would turn to hands that would touch him anywhere and everywhere… it already started with some of his dance partners, but with much drink and little authority, what was stopping the rabid masses from-

 

_ Ahem. _

 

Shite. The Elezen’s head perked up quickly when he heard the sound. Immediately, he felt annoyance that someone followed him, but he was able to relax a little when he noticed who was there. It was none other than the Elezen he was trying so hard to meet. “Oh! It’s you. Terribly sorry you’re seein’ me like this…”

 

The man frowned, clearing his throat again before speaking. “No need for apologies. Was… kind of… worried.” He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Aww… ‘ow very kind…” He smiled. Leave it to his own kind to look out for him. It was a comforting feeling. Natural sighed, relaxing against the wall. “...Truth is, all this attention is… quite overwhelmin’ for me. Was never a fan of ‘uge crowds t’ begin with… and all the eyes bein’ on me is far too much, but ‘tis the burden I must bear for bein’ a ‘ero I suppose.” He paused, reaching for the mug he brought with him and took a drink. “...Can’t say ‘m all that fond of these people either. Ala Mhigan’s ain’t exactly got the best ‘istory with Gridanians and dwellers of the Shroud like meself, and I’ve ‘ad bad run-ins with ‘ighlanders in the past.” He bit his tongue as he remembered he was speaking with one of the rebels. “Ah, pray forgive me… you’re with the rebellion so ‘m sayin’ too much…”

 

“Nay.” The Elezen shook his head. “Speak your mind.”

 

“...Thank you.” He replied with a tired smile, feeling relieved that he didn’t offend the man. Something about him was sort of familiar, but Natural couldn’t place what it was. “‘Tis why I was glad to ‘ave found you. Didn’t think I’d see me own kind ‘ere tonight, Wildwood or no, ‘tis always a comfort for me when another Elezen’s about… Even your voice is strangely comforting. Reminds me of an old friend. Been wantin’ to introduce meself all night but ‘adn’t ‘ad the chance til now.”

 

“Ah… I’m honored.” He replied. “W-well, you came here to be alone so I’ll honor your wishes. We can talk more at length later.”

 

Natural hummed, a bit disappointed that their meeting would be cut short so quickly. “Oh? I don’t mind speaking with you. Actually kind of lonesome after cuttin’ me old friends loose… Ah, but I’m sure you don’t want t’ ‘ear all that.” Well now he was oversharing. The drink really must have been getting to him. “May’ap ‘tis for the best that I recharge some more. Thank you again.”

 

As the man seemed to take his leave, he stopped. “Um… do be careful tonight. Overheard some men talking about taking advantage of you whilst you’re inebriated.”

 

Oh? So it was just as he feared. Having this happen at the Steppe was one thing; at least Xaela men are attractive enough to catch his attention, but Ala Mhigans? Absolutely not. “Hm. Wouldn’t be the first time.” He sighed. “Worry not. Me standards are far ‘igher than the rabble ‘ere, but I appreciate the warnin’ regardless.” The Elezen nodded to Natural and turned to leave. Something about him was… rather cute, wasn’t it? He really didn’t want the man to go. “...but if  _ you’d _ like some time with me later, you’re more than welcome to ask…~”

 

He swore the man flinched before quickly making his leave. Natural couldn’t help but laugh for the first time all evening at that. Alone time or no, he really did pray that the two would meet again before he’d take his leave.

 

* * *

 

Bells and bells had passed, and the party finally seemed to be dying down. Natural was drunk beyond all reason, but thankfully he was able to fight off some weak attempts at courtship throughout the night. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to meet up with the mysterious Elezen again. Oh well, mayhap it was for the best. He felt it was finally time to take care of what he set out to do that night. Thanks to this distraction, there were some loose ends he hadn’t gotten to tie, but he was far too gone to care.

 

Natural mindlessly wandered out of Rhalgr’s Reach into Gyr Abania. Truthfully, he wasn’t certain where exactly he was or where he was heading; he simply let his feet do the walking… and walking… and walking… and walking.

 

The air was perfectly crisp, and all was eerily silent. It was strange indeed, as normally he’d catch the voices of animals whenever he was out and about, but there seemed to be nothing. 

 

Eventually, he reached the edge of a tall cliff. Yes, this was perfect. It would do just fine. The abyss below him was so vast, he couldn’t even see the bottom.

 

Equilibrium must be restored. That clash against the Ascian was all he could think about. This isn’t the first time Natural contemplated ending his life, but in those days, he’d successfully pick himself back up thanks to his friends or thoughts of his duties. Unfortunately, none of that would help him now. Things had been growing tense with his companions lately thanks to differing opinions among them on a number of things, so it was fairly easy for him to cut them out. Still, he knew these people for years and they helped him grow as a person, so there was a sting in his heart that yet remained. Part of him wondered what they were up to right now, or how they felt about his departure. No doubt they were thinking the worst of him now, but since there were no evident attempts at tracking him down, they probably didn’t consider what was actually about to happen.

 

As for his duties, well, ever since his encounter with the Warriors of Darkness, he wondered if he should even continue. If too much light could bring about the end of the world, then why should he bring Hydalen closer to ruin? This big, beautiful world should go on living, even if it meant he couldn’t.

 

He was glad it was still nighttime. The stars dappling the night sky was always his most favorite sight in the whole world. Natural stared at them for a long time, taking in the sight of twinkling silver dots and the constellations he learned of in books and Astrology lessons. The Elezen may not have known what awaited him on the other side, but he hoped wherever his soul went, he could still enjoy the night sky. 

 

One by one, the stars were snuffed out by the emerging sun. Right then. If he waited any longer, there’d be none shining for his departure. He breathed deep, silently making peace with the gods that seemed to only put him on this star to suffer, and offering apologies to all the animal companions he left behind to fend for themselves and the remaining friends he hadn’t said goodbye to. Slowly, he took his first and last step over the edge.

 

“Endure!”

 

Natural gasped when he suddenly remembered Zenos’s voice. He quickly turned behind him, thinking for a moment the man would suddenly be behind him. Strange, the voice echoed so clearly in his mind that he could have sworn he was right there behind him. Before his mind could wander to the night of his bold attack at Yanxia, he heard the voice again.

 

“Survive… Live!” 

 

Hold on, that wasn’t his imagination, was it? Almost instinctively, he clumsily ran behind a nearby boulder and gasped loudly at what he found: a lone katana stuck in the ground. No… no this couldn’t be a coincidence. “Wait!!” He called, taking the blade in hand and making a mad dash at what he swore were sounds of someone running away. 

 

“Come back… Come baaaaack!!” But it was no good. The drink made his vision blurred and his steps clumsy. “Please… please wait! Come back!” Despite his efforts, he tripped over a rock and fell on his face. As he tried to collect himself, he clutched the blade close to his chest, holding it so tightly that his hands bled as they squeezed the razor sharp edges. Tears flowed from his eyes like a waterfall and he could hardly speak from the sobbing. “P-please… please…. I accepted you… please come back… I miss you... you’re the only one… the only one that understands… I know you feel the same… please… I’ll do anything…”

 

* * *

 

The sun shined bright in the skies above Limsa Lominsa. The Bismark was full of people enjoying breakfast with a vast view of the sea. “Alright… so Ishgard shall be the first place on our list we visit, followed by Gridania, then the Shroud. Correct?”

 

A Xaela girl nodded silently to her ebony-clad Elezen companion. 

 

“Heh. Figures he’d frequent some of my least favorite places, eh Miss Ghoa?” The Qestiri girl shrugged, smirking beneath her mask. She glanced over the map, then pointed to a place in the Far East. “Ah, right… he frequents the Azim Steppe as well. Not your favorite place either, right?” She shook her head. “Well, just remember what we’re doing this for. We have to find-”

 

“Oi! Tanaka! Ghoa!”

 

“M-Mr. Natural!” The Elezen blinked in surprise. The Au Ra practically flew from her seat into the man’s arms.

 

Natural laughed as he returned the embrace. “Full glad am I to find you both!”

 

“Aye, as are we. Miss Ghoa and I were just about to search for you.”

 

“Oh?” Natural questioned, brow raised. 

 

Tanaka nodded. “Well you see, the other officers were saying some terrible things about you being a traitor… amongst other things. Miss Ghoa, myself, and several others didn’t want to believe it- not without hearing your side first anyway.”

 

“That right…?” Natural murmured with Ghoa nodding to him in reply. “...’m grateful to you both for believin’ in me. I’ll be glad to tell you my side, but first… what say you both to roundin’ up some of the others and startin’ a new Free Company with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters listed at the end are one of my other OCs (the au ra) and the OC of my friend (the elezen). Some events of this chapter are based on personal things that affected my character's development and personal story.

**Author's Note:**

> There's a sequel now. It's smut.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/19974316


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